so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
