I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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