She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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