he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
