Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I want to fling myself into the sun
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
