Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
