were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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