this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
