i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
