I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
