those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
