I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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