I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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