I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
