I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
