oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
