He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
