I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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