have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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