I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
