He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
