thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
