U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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