I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
