girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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