just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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