Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
