can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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