absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
