YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
