oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dignity is for republicans.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
