im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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