Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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