oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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