you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
