Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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