Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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