I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
