What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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