I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
