yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
