I met the friendliest cop last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
