you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
