So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
