Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
