Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
