she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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