Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
