At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
