I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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