omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
