Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
