I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
