I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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