you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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